hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
