shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
