Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
