Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
