I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
