I cut my penus on the lid.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
