Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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