The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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