I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
