Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
