I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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