Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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