i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
