dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
