there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
