Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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