Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
