Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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