I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
