Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How does one acquire holy water?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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