he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
