So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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