i jhust puked up my retainher.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
