Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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