just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
