I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I am naked and annoyed.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
