Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize