I smell stomach acid.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
