If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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