omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
