DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
