just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
