So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
