there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
