He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize