I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize