I can't watch pbs sober anymore
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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