you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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