I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
