Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
