So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
