it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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