So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
