at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
