can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
