I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize