I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
