i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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