I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
