Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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