So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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