remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
