oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
