But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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