Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
