So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
