I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize