I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
