"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize