I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am available for nakedness
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
