I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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