i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
