I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
