Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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