my phone needs a breathalizer
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
