If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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