the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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