he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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