I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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