Im at strip club and am horny
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
