There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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