Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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