Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
