You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
