I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
