You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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