SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
