using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
