just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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