I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
