I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
