I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
