I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
