dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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