Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
