i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
