if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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