My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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