I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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