Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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