I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
