woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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