I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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