My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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