yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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