his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
