I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
