The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
