I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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