i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
