And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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