I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
