I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
