just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
