I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
