We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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